Monthly Archives: March 2012

In Which a Crazed Writer Rambles About Books

I always have found comfort in escaping through books; worlds where the insignificant become heroes, where an orphan becomes a mighty wizard, where castles fly in the sky, and where a wardrobe or a rabbit hole can lead to a world completely different from your own. When you are a sad and angry child who people brush off as being a problem child, a freak of nature, you cling to those stories. They are a blanket of warmth that envelops you as soon as you open to the first page. A circle of friends and companions who you know will never judge you, lie to you, or leave you. When real life becomes unbearable and your world is crumbling around you, they are constant, familiar. A new book is a new friend that you get to know little by little and as you grow older these stories become a part of who you are. To me a good story is magic, it has the power to touch so many people, it reaches to the core of human emotion, affects their lives and, even if it’s just a little, changes a person. It is amazing how, through all the fantasy and spectacle, a good story touches upon the fundamental truths of who we are, of what is Human. When you read a book, that power leaves an imprint. To some I may sound crazy but I know there are those in this world who, like me, only survived because they had those books, those stories. One of my favorite authors, Diana Wynne Jones, died last year and I really wish that I had taken the time in the past to write to her. I think I will do so now,

Dear Mrs Jones,

It’s hard to put into words how much your books mean to me. Honestly I think that reading your books growing up saved my life and I know for a fact that it was because of your books that I wanted to become a writer. All I can say is thank you. Thank you for writing your books, thank you for having such wonderful stories. Just thank you so much, they mean so much to me that there are no words to describe it.

Sincerest Gratitude

A humble fan

It’s probably good that I never sent her a letter because that above is the best I can do, which is lame. Anyways, I’m rambling, so I will stop before I make a complete fool of myself. Besides, I have the strongest urge right now to curl up with a good book.

“Fantasy for me as a kid was real, and I had a fantasy about what life was, whether it was sort of wicked and dire, or wholly normal, or whatever. Anything really close to home is not, it seems to me, what a good book should be about.”

~Diana Wynne Jones


Wrong on So Many Levels

Let me start off by saying that Sherlock Holmes is one of my favorite characters of all time so I understand the fairly recent trend of Sherlock Holmes movies and shows. Even though they are not the old Rathbone movies I find that I really enjoyed the Robert Downey Jr. version, I like the first one the best. However the greatest thing in this new surge of popularity is the BBC show Sherlock (though I haven’t seen season two because BBC hates me, but I’ll get to that another time). Sherlock is the brain child of Steven Moffat, who is also in charge of the new Doctor Who (2005-present), thank you Steven. For those of you who don’t know the plot, basically Sherlock is a show about Sherlock Holmes in the 21st century. What I love about it is the fact that it takes a lot from the original Sherlock Holmes stories, adapting it to today, and adds that wonderful dry wit and humor that I love so much about British shows. I could rave about Sherlock for hours as it is one of my new favorite obsessions. It’s smart, funny, has drama and action, and gives me the warm fuzzy feeling of nerdy bliss.

Sigh (let me bask for a moment).

OK, where was I? Oh yeah, while I do have the super love for all things Sherlock Holmes that doesn’t mean that I’m a complete Sherlockian snob, at least I don’t think I am, I do like things that have their own take or have inconsistencies with the original books. All of the ones I have mentioned above are like that in some way. But, I do have a limit of how far someone can go and still call it Sherlock Holmes. My line was drawn at the new show coming out in America called, “Elementary”. It seems that American TV producers (not going to name the network) observed the shinning beacon that is  Sherlock, its popularity, its large fan-base in America, and I guess they saw dollar signs ($). I’ve heard that they originally tried to get permission to remake Sherlock, but Steven Moffat being the wonderful man he is, said no. Did that stop them? You’re kidding right? This is America were talking about, we don’t take no for an answer (even when we should). So they, at the unnamed network, decided “hey, we can make our own version, we don’t need their permission”, their own version being this “Elementary”. The plot of this show is that Sherlock Holmes was a consultant for Scotland Yard, in today’s time, but for some reason he went to a rehab in NYC for his drug addiction (they don’t have rehabs in the UK?). After he gets out of rehab he stays in New York and moves in with a “sober companion”, Jane Watson, played by actress Lucy Liu. Watson is a doctor who lost her license because a patient died while she was consulting with the NYPD, doesn’t make sense to me but whatever.

Here is what is wrong with all that…Everything. I will explain. First, Sherlock Holmes being in America…um no…one of the many reasons I like Sherlock Holmes is because he is British, now the actor who is playing Holmes is British (the shows only saving grace). But when I think Sherlock Holmes I think London, to be more specific, 221b Baker St. in London. Not just Sherlock needs to be British, part of the fun is the other characters. Like the cops, British cops are extremely different than American cops, have you seen Law and Order: UK? Britain is well known for their unarmed police force, i.e. no guns (though there are exceptions to that rule, they can get one but more than 80% don’t have them or want them). Way different that American cops, look at our Law and Order and look at theirs, point made. Also Sherlock Holmes does use drugs, in the books it was morphine and cocaine and in the new Sherlock it is nicotine patches, but he isn’t really an addict and in both (the original and the new show) the drugs are legal for the time period. If he is addicted to anything it is the rush of when he is on the case. Then there is the who Lucy Liu thing, I’m sure she is a very talented actor (I’ve only seen her in Kill Bill and Charlies Angels and I liked her in those), and I’m all for women power, putting a twist on a show etc etc. But if you make Watson a woman it changes the whole dynamic of the main characters, thus also changing the story, thus making it not Sherlock Holmes and I have the sneaking suspicion that they did that so that they could make the two a love interest (blech). And, Watson was a an army doctor/war hero and also a doctor in London when he got back, though he did have a hard time when he got back (war is hell) and Holmes kind of helped him get over it, without all the weepy lifetime movie touchy feely crap. For the most part Watson is an all around stand up guy, balancing out the crazy, and lets face it, sometimes illegal things that Holmes does.

American TV people. Just because something is popular in Britain doesn’t mean you should steal it, very few things translate well and you just ruin it. There is a list of American shows that were originally British ( you can find it online) and most of those shows didn’t make it past the fourth episode (the average being two episodes before being canceled). I will tell you right now that Sherlock Holmes will not translate over well and by doing this you are degrading the genre. I mean would you want Doctor Who to be American? Not if you have an ounce of sanity in you brain. When I first heard about this it was so wrong on so many levels that my brain stopped from the shock. There are somethings in this world that are fine the way they are, so leave it alone. I’ll feel like my mom for saying this but, “Quit picking at it, you’ll make it worse!”

Why Nerds are Single

I love nerds. I love hanging out with nerds, I love being a nerd, if I ever get married (which will probably never happen) I will marry a nerd. 95% of my friends are nerds and the other 5% are just weird, honestly if someone doesn’t have some quirk or weirdness about them I wouldn’t be friends with them, normal is so freaking boring.  The thing I notice about nerds though is that a good majority are single. Now that doesn’t really matter to me and honestly I don’t notice unless someone is complaining, but I was surfing the web the other night, out of sheer boredom, and I came across a forum where some nerdy guy was whining, asking people why he was single. Why can’t he find a pretty girl who appreciated nerdiness and then they could hang out and watch anime or play, I don’t know, Halo or D&D? Really? After fighting the urge to find a way to physically transport myself through the internet and slap him I decided that my time would be better spent talking about the problem at hand; Why nerds are single.  Now I will be pointing out reasons that the guys are single but that doesn’t mean that these can’t apply to the girl nerds as well.  Ahem, (imitating Dr. Phil), now what you have here is a lack of communication…nah just kidding.

First off, a lot of nerds have way to high expectations. Now I’m not saying that nerds are worthless and should aim super low, I’m saying that a good chunk of them have unrealistic ideals for women and therefore will not be getting a date. What do I mean by “unrealistic ideals”? Well for starters, guys who think that those girls on their posters are going to want them i.e. Buffy, Selena (chick from Underworld), or any of those big breasted beauties from anime (Orihime from Bleach, or Faye Valentine from Cowboy Bebop).  OK reality check, those girls aren’t real. They are characters in shows and movies, and even if they were real you would have to take away their free will just to make sure they loved you. If you are looking for the real life versions of those girls, I will tell you right now they don’t exist. Now I’m a huge anime/sci-fi/fantasy fan but I’m not expecting any of my hotties to ever become real or walk out of my TV. And hentai is fine but even, by some miracle, you found a big breasted skinny chick like them in real life, due to the weight of their ginormous breasts they would either have severe back problems or not be able to walk.

Secondly, if a hotttie does come up to you and asks you out, would you believe her? I don’t know about you but I was conditioned from High School to think that if someone hot comes up and asks you out that either A: they want something (used to be doing their homework), or B: that it’s a joke and that they are just messing with you. In High School I was asked out by one of the most popular guys in my class and I flat-out told him no. Why? Because I was nearly 100% sure that it was a set-up. Rule 1 from the Survive High School Manual for Nerds, never trust the popular kids. Most nerds learn their lesson the first time they get a “harmless joke” played on them by the popular kids. That lesson, at least for me, stays with you for life and is not easily forgotten.

Finally, you guys are not being flexible. Fantasies are fine but you need to loosen you expectations a little. I have asked a nerdy guy out before and have been blown off because I didn’t fit his cookie-cutter idea of who his woman should be. I’m over it now, I am not apologizing for the fact that I don’t look like Lara Croft. But that is just my point, there could be girls around you that are interested. Heck they could be your soulmate, your L337 Queen, your natch 20. But, if you are only looking at a specific type and/or waiting to become rich so you can buy a Playboy bunny (which is a statistical improbability unless you’re Bill Gates), you will probably never see her. FYI guys, girls are just as nerdy as guys, you aren’t the only ones who obsess over video games (I’m partial to Kingdom Hearts and Left4Dead myself), are level 30 Half-Elf Rangers, and we love DBZ and Gundam as much as the next nerd. But, for some reason we seem to be the only ones with the added pressure of needing to be hot. Kinda not cool don’t you think?

So to that idiot nerd in the forum. Why can’t you find a nice nerdy girl to date? Um, did you look around? We’re everywhere man! We are not as rare a species as you think. So if you had any of the troubles above I hope I enlightened you a bit (instead of just pissing you off which might be the case) and that you’ll realize that it’s not as difficult as you are making it.  Oh and please know that the whole looking at your feet and fidgeting when talking to us that some of you do (you know who you are) is only cute for like five seconds, then it’s just annoying. It makes us feel like we are scary or intimidating and that you don’t really want to talk to us. Remember,  just because were girls that doesn’t mean that we are aliens or whatever you think we are, we are people just like you, so grow a pair, look us in the eye, and talk to us. Dating is scary on both ends, it’s not just you. Of course you will get the stuck up bitches once in a while but, rejection doesn’t mean death, and if you’re not even going to start because you’re afraid of being rejected then get used to being single and quit bitching. I’m sorry if I sound a bit harsh, I really do love nerds, it’s just frustrating sometimes watching you guys all mopy because you’re alone.This isn’t the 50s, nerds are actually cool right now, so even non nerdy girls might think you guys are hot. Don’t think you’ll get a botched roll before the die even leaves your hand.  Go on out into the world and spread the nerd love.

Now if you don’t mind, now that I’ve gotten all the lecturing out of me, I’m going to go and kill some Heartless. If you have any other questions (or complaints) then the answer is 42. L8r

My Very Own Mutated Hippie Song.

Earworm – A song that gets stuck in your head and will not leave.

These things happen to me all the time. An offhand word or phrase will trigger one of these monstrous annoyances and then I’m stuck with the song for, at the very least, a day. I was going to start off my blog with something clever or witty, like the rest of my blogs will be (psh, yeah right), unfortunately while trying to think of said witty thing my eye kept being caught by the heading on those example blogs the website puts on new blogs until someone can string out a few sentences for themselves. “Hello World!” the heading cries out in bold, distracting me with its fake cheeriness. The more I try to ignore it and think of my own words, the more distracting it gets, like some Stepford wife trying to welcome me to the neighborhood (though if I’m in Stepford then I’ve died and gone to Hell), or an annoying little sibling that keeps nudging you in the head to get attention. Either way, every time I saw those words a song popped into my head. You’ll probably know it if you grew up in the 70’s, or if you like old TV shows, or (in my case) your mom watched the show when she was growing up and sang this song all the time. The song is, “Come on Get Happy” by the Partridge Family and it’s stuck in my head because of the first line, “Hello world there’s a song that we’re singing. Come on Get Happy!”. Unfortunately for me that is the only lyric I know so that just keeps playing on repeat, my very own mutated hippie song. Good thing I’m already insane or this might have driven me to it…hmm, note to self – devise a way to make mutated hippie song play across the globe constantly until the world leaders give me control of the world. Mwahahaha. Ahem, o.k. I’m back. World domination aside, I will probably have to do something soon to get this song out of my head. Reason I haven’t done it yet? Because I’m having fun complaining to all of you lovely people. I guess I could turn on my Pandora radio, but I’m kinda getting used to my mutant hippie song of insanity (though when pertaining to hippie songs I think the insanity part is redundant). Now, I’m off to write up a plan for world domination…codename:The Mutant Hippie Virus or The M.H. Virus for short. That would make a cool B horror flick, or zombie movie, maybe I’ll write a screenplay instead. Until next time, smile and add some crazy to your life, the world could end at any second (possibly by mutant/zombie hippies) so you might as well have fun.


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