Category Archives: Rant

What Does it Take to Be Hitler?

Ok, I’m gonna get a bit deep on you guys this morning (or whenever you’re reading this, it’s morning now). I was on Tumblr this morning and I saw something that creeped me out and made me think at the same time. I saw these pics

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Yes that’s right ladies and gentlemen that is Hitler, a man whose name is synonymous with hate crimes, death, and destruction on a global scale. Some of you might be wondering why these pictures freak me out, it’s because of the war it caused in my brain. Basically Eva Braun is behind the camera filming him and Hitler is smiling at her and being flirty. HITLER IS SMILING AND BEING FLIRTY. My brain when I first saw the image was like “aw what a sweet old man” and then it screeched on the brakes and I had to ask myself “did I just call HITLER sweet?”. That got me thinking, why did that freak me out so much. Because for a moment in time I thought of Hitler as human, just a normal human being. Not the genocidal monster that I’ve grown up learning about, not the Antichrist or the Devil incarnate. Just a person, someone who can feel and love. That led to the question, was Hitler really even evil? (I’m gonna get so much crap for this post)  Well, yes and no. Like all humans he had the capacity for both, he wasn’t born evil and honestly I don’t think he was evil at all. (really gonna get crap for this) Before you jump down my throat, let me explain. The actions that Hitler took, and the resulting deaths and horrors were evil. They were terrible things, the holocaust should never be forgotten and NEVER be forgiven. That being said, Hitler thought he was doing the right thing (all the best villains do). He was doing what he could for his struggling country, to the best of his (misguided) abilities. Yes he blamed the Jewish people for what was wrong in his country and thought that the solution was to have a perfect race and kill anyone who didn’t fit that image, not just Jews. Then he let the power go to his head and tried to take over the world… Look everyone is prejudice in some way, I pride myself on judging people on their personalities rather than their labels but even I have some issues/prejudices; right-wing Conservatists, a huge chunk of Christians (not your fault but there are a lot of hypocrites and assholes and I’m tired of being told I’m going to hell. I know already, sheesh!), oh and Twihards. And we all have idealized images in our heads of how the world should be. Hitler was just in the right place at the right time (and had the mad conversational/manipulative skills) that put him in a place of power to make his image a reality.

History has always been written by the winners. For example, Christopher Columbus wasn’t a brave explorer he was actually a greedy homicidal asshole who had a flourishing sex slave trade and almost completely wiped out an entire civilization of indigenous people, oh and he didn’t discover America by the way. What’s the difference between Christopher Columbus (who we Americans have a national holiday for) and Adolf Hitler? Well Hitler lost, therefore he didn’t get to write the end of that history book. But more importantly what’s the difference between us and Hitler? When we take into account that all of those people in history were human beings, capable of great good and evil are we really that much different? Nope, and that’s the scary thing. It doesn’t take much to become Hitler. All you have to do is look at another human being and for whatever reason (race, creed, religion, sexual orientation) think that person isn’t on the same level as you on the scale of humanity. That’s it, it’s that simple. As soon as you make a fellow human being lesser than you, guess what, you’re Hitler. You have an idealized image of what people are supposed to be and that person doesn’t fit. Now you might be thinking, ‘yeah but Hitler was a genocidal fuck head, I’m not going to kill those people’. Yes, he and all of his followers were to some extent extreme genocidal fuck heads. We have people all around us who are like that, we might not be to that extent (Hitler was an extremist to say the least) but there are Hitlers everywhere *cough* Westboro Baptist church *cough*. Every time we take away or deny someone the same rights that we have, we’re being Hitler.

So basically I’m not saying Hitler was a good guy and that we should forgive him and embrace who he was as a person, what I’m saying is that we as human beings are capable of great beauty and good

Now what does this painting say to you? To me it says destroy all Jews.

Now what does this painting say to you? To me it says destroy all Jews.

And also great evil

*shudders*

*shudders*

But we need to remember that all people are like that, all humanity is  capable of that because as soon as we turn them into a monster, as soon as we make them less than human, then we have become just like them .

 


Fandoms as Religion: Superwholock part 2

Sam-Castiel-Dean-supernatural-16744455-1280-800Ah, Supernatural. It still amazes me that Superwholock exists, not the individual shows I mean you’d have to be FOX crazy (still haven’t forgiven them for Firefly) not to put shows this good on the air, I mean these fandoms coming together as a whole. These shows are so different, they’re even different genres; scifi, fantasy, and  mystery yet they fit together like perfect pieces of a puzzle. Supernatural is the oddest one of the three as the other two are about science (even if it’s the wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey kind) and abhor any inclination of magic as there’s probably a logical reason for it. Supernatural on the other hand is like ‘screw it we are all about magic’, demons, angels, heaven and hell, all these things are real in the Supernatural world.

Religion: Supernatural

Followers: Hunters? (dunno if that’s the actual one but that’s what I call us)

Established: 2005

Works: Supernatural season 1-8, Supernatural the animated series.

Gospel according to me: Warning this is *spoiler* heavy.

Family: If there is one thing this show is about it’s family. Underneath the fighting, the magic, the constant struggle between good and evil, the deepest roots of Supernatural are set in the importance of family. When the world is crashing down around you (sometimes literally) it’s your family who will pull you back out of the rubble. Now I know there are a lot of people in this world who don’t understand; maybe they hate their families, they had a crappy childhood, or maybe they just don’t have a family. Family isn’t just what you’re born into, blood may account for somethings but I’m a big believer in nurture over nature and Supernatural is a big example of that. Here’s how I see the Supernatural family; we have the two main characters Sam and Dean Winchester, brothers by blood. Dean, the older brother, raises Sam in place of an absentee father who’s bent on avenging the death of his wife. Their father, well lets just say I understand the why and how of him but he’s a terrible father. Later in life Sam and Dean meet Bobby, a grumpy old hunter and the person I view as their true father. Bobby is what a dad should be (or at least in my opinion, I wouldn’t know first hand what a good dad should be), yeah he’s crotchety and an alcoholic but he’s there for his boys, he loves them and helps clean up their messes when they screw up like. Then there’s Castiel, the angel with little social skills. I don’t know how to describe Castiel in terms of family title but he’s still family. There are people along the way who add to their little family (Jo & Ellen for example) but these four are the central pillars. They would die for each other (and have) in an instant and they would kill for each other just as quickly. Yeah they’re all screwed up, once in a while they try to kill each other (honestly, what family doesn’t?) or they try to end the world but to me they’re the true meaning of family. They are best explained in the immortal words of Stitch, “This is my family. I found it, all on my own. It’s little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good.”

Are you under the impression that family’s supposed to make you feel good, make you an apple pie, maybe? They’re supposed to make you miserable! That’s why they’re family!” -Bobby Singer (S4,Ep22)

Knowledge is an Important Part of Your Arsenal: Along with salt and guns of course. The thing that has kept these two alive for as long as they have is knowledge. You see it almost every episode, weird stuff happening in some part of the U.S. that catches the Winchesters eye, they research what it might be and how to kill it, then they kill it. If they go in guns ablaze without figuring out what it is then they get their asses kicked. If they can’t find the knowledge themselves they call Bobby or someone else who might help them. They aren’t super intellectual or act like it’s easy to find/know the information like Sherlock or the Doctor. To them it’s a simple fact of survival, you need to know what you’re fighting if you are going to have any chance of winning. That means sitting for hours and looking through the internet or dusty old books and scrolls. Long boring work but it pays off, then they know how to kill a ghost (salt and burn their bones) or how to identify a shifter (hate silver, eyes light up in reflections/video) and it saves their lives.

You Gotta Do What You Gotta Do:  Responsibility, duty, idiocy, whatever you want to call it, the Winchesters think they are the only people who can save the world. I was going to compare them to Buffy (the vampire slayer) because in both shows they carry the crushing burden of saving the world (multiple times) but they’re not like her at all. Buffy was a normal girl for most of her life but was transformed into a superhero when the Slayer before her died. “In every generation there is a chosen one. She alone will fight the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.” Sam and Dean were raised in the life of a hunter but they don’t have the advantage of superhuman strength and speed (I’m not counting demon blood Sam’s über psychic powers). While they may be screwed up mentally (they were raised as hunters, they’ve both died and gone to hell, who wouldn’t have issues?) they are normal humans. Normal humans doing extraordinary things. They fight so hard for humanity but, it’s not some grand heroic gesture like you see in the epics of old. They don’t have a few quests, one big fight and then all is well, it’s real life an everyday struggle where they put their life on the line. There are times when both of them have had an out; honestly both of them could have walked away, shut their eyes and plugged their ears from signs of evil and go have a normal life. Even when they get a break they always return to the life. Why? Why when they had such a chance at happiness do they always come back? Because, they have to. It’s in their nature, it’s who they are, they’re heroes and heroes never stop fighting. The fight continues until they die (permanently, those guys don’t stay dead) and they don’t fight for glory or because it will get better for  them if they do, they do it because it’s right. They save as many as they can, and keep trying to save more. They never get the recognition they deserve (not that they care), all I can hope for them is that when they die (well, when death sticks) that they get a gravestone like Buffy’s in season five. Here lies the Winchesters. They saved the world, a lot.

Sam: “How do you do it? How does Dad do it?

Dean: “Well for one, them. I mean, our family’s so screwed to hell, maybe we can help some others. Makes things a little bit more bearable. And I tell you what else helps. Killing as many evil sons-of-bitches as I possibly can.” (S1,Ep2)

What would you rather have. Peace or Freedom?: Choices. That’s what it’s all about. The entire show is centered around it. Two humans being set up against gods, angels, demon, destiny, fate. Most people would have given up when finding out that their fate was preordained but the best thing about this show is that the Winchesters don’t care. Season five is the best example of that, the whole season Sam and Dean are trying to stop the Apocalypse something foretold in the biblical book of Revelations. They’ve been told that everything about them can be chalked up to fate and that they can’t fight it. Dean will become the vessel for the arch angel Michael and Sam will be the vessel for Lucifer, then the two of them will fight to the death. The angels (who, besides Castiel, I really dislike) spend the season messing with them and in the end they talk about how when Michael beats Lucifer the angels will descend and peace will reign on earth. And by peace they basically mean no free will. Even when things look bleak the Winchester still fight against this, they aren’t going to lie down and just let things happen, screw fate they decide for themselves and that’s what all those holy/unholy powers don’t understand. Angels and demons, it’s always about the big picture, the big concepts. They don’t see the tiny little things that make life worthwhile, what makes being human so important. Yes the world is a big scary place and humanity as a whole can be a bit ugly at times. But for us who live here on earth the things that are the most important aren’t the biggest gestures it’s all the details that make up the whole of life; a cool washcloth placed on your forehead when you’re sick, getting to lick the spoon when your grandmother is baking, a strangers outstretched hand helping you up when you’ve fallen. It was the same in season five when Dean was trying to reach out to Sam it was the flash of memory that Sam got of growing up with Dean in that 1967 Chevy Impala that saved the world.
“So what’s it all add up to? It’s hard to say. But me, I’d say this was a test… for Sam and Dean. And I think they did all right. Up against, Good, Evil, angels, devils, Destiny, and God himself, they made their own choice. They chose family. And, well… isn’t that kinda the whole point?” -Chuck (S5, Ep22)

Fandoms as Religion: Superwholock- the Holy Trinity

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I’m probably gonna get a lot of crap for this post but, meh. This is my corner of the internet and if you don’t like it then get out. I’ve realized recently that though I’m a pagan that there is another religion that is near and dear to my heart and effects the way I live my life. Fandoms. People are always joking about how fandoms are like a religion (or cult, take your pick), that they are a way of life for many nerds. Even though we’re joking, if you look at it from an unbiased sociological standpoint fandoms really are a religion. We learn things from them, there’s a congregation (the fanbase), it effects the way we live our life and see the world, the scripture (shows/quotes) teaches us lessons on morality, sacrifice, love, and the importance of kindness, mercy, family, and…salt. Like real religions we have dogma (canon) and then the way that the individuals interpret the words (fanfic/discussion boards/slash), and also like real religions the followers are actively (sometimes belligerently) working to convert others in their communities. Now I know many people are outraged ‘how can you say something like that?! Your shows are works of fiction and yet you compare them to our loving (insert god here)’. Yes, yes I do. I can go with the argument of ‘show me proof of your god, blah blah blah’ but honestly while I respect your religious beliefs frankly my dear I don’t give a damn what you think of me. The most important thing about religion is faith, to choose to believe in something that may/may not be real. I believe in Sherlock Holmes, I’m not saying Benedict Cumberbatch or any of the actors in these things are Jesus or God or Cthulhu (that’s just silly). I’m talking about the characters, the idea that lives on long after the actors and crew are dead, people come and go but ideas, stories they live forever. I currently have 4 religions, first of all I’m Pagan, a religion recognized by most governments and societies as a real religion. My others are the ones I consider the major fandom denominations and I will have a segment on each, Superwholock, The Whedonverse, and Harry Potter. Today’s religion breakdown is Superwholock (obviously). What? Blasphemy? I’m not being blasphemous, if I’m being blasphemous than may Zeus strike me…

The-best-top-desktop-lightning-wallpapers-lightning-wallpaper-4Er…nevermind. Onward! ^_^ (I am having way too much fun with this)

SuperWhoLock

I call Superwholock the holy trinity because these three fandoms; Whovians, Sherlockians, Hunters fit together so well even though they’re so different. These are the three most popular fandoms and they coexist in harmony, many fans of one becoming fans of all three. I’m going to break Superwholock down into its three essential parts. Hold on to your fezzes kids, we’re heading down the rabbit hole.

Doctor Who

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Followers/fans are called: Whovians

Founded: 1963

Deity: The Doctor (real name unknown)

The Evil One: Steven Moffat

Holy Works: 50 years worth of TV episodes (roughly 786 episodes) , 2 movies, countless books/comics/magazines.

Gospel:  I don’t really know how to describe these as actual religions would so I’m just going to tell what I’ve learned from it. The gospel according to me.

          Accepting Change/ Accepting Loss: We’ve had eleven doctors, 11 different actors for the same character, and we’ll soon be getting our 12th. As a Whovian you learn that the only constants in life are change and death. We don’t get to hold on to our Doctor, I think I’ve done a post on what a whovian goes through when the Doctor regenerates (here  https://kendramillisor.wordpress.com/2012/11/28/whats-that-horrible-sound/ ) so I won’t go through it again. The basics of it is that we learn to cherish what we have, mourn our loss but not be swept up in it (ok, we totally get swept up in the feels but if don’t move on we’ll miss all the cool new stuff), and learn to accept the changes that come from that loss. But we also know that we shouldn’t just accept everything that comes our way, there’s no such thing as fate (there’s inevitability but that’s way different), we have the ability to create change as much as we ourselves are subject to change.

“When you run with the Doctor, it feels like it’ll never end, but however hard you try you can’t run forever. Everybody knows that everybody dies and nobody knows it like the Doctor, but I do think that all the skies of all the worlds might just turn dark if he ever, for one moment, accepts it. Everybody knows that everybody dies, but not every day. Not today. Some days are special. Some days are so, so blessed. Some days, nobody dies at all. Now and then, every once in a very long while, every day in a million days, when the wind stands fair and the Doctor comes to call, everybody lives.”~ Professor River Song, (Doctor Who new series S4,Ep9)

       How Important We Are: Every person on the planet when looking at the vast cosmos can get the overwhelming feeling of being tiny and insignificant. Many people feel like that anyways, living our day to day lives not being extraordinary or exceptional, just living and feeling unimportant. Then you watch Doctor Who and you feel (even if it’s just for a moment) like you can do anything, that you are something more than what you might think. Look at the entire storyline of Donna Noble, she never felt like she was important she was just a ‘temp from Chiswik’, yet she became the most important woman in the entire universe. Seeing someone like Donna, someone you can relate to, go from where she started to what she became you begin to feel like maybe you too can be important. It’s a tiny rebellion inside your head that you don’t have to follow the status quo and you can do extraordinary things. The only one stopping you is you.

“In 900 years of time and space, I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important” ~ The Eleventh Doctor, (S6, Christmas special)

“Hey. Do you mind if I tell you a story? One you might not have heard. All the elements in your body were forged many many millions of years ago in the heart of a faraway star that exploded and died. That explosion scattered those elements across the desolations of deep space. After so, so many millions of years, these elements came together to form new stars and new planets. And on and on it went. The elements came together and burst apart, forming shoes and ships and sealing wax and cabbages and kings. Until, eventually, they came together to make you. You are unique in the universe. There is only one Merry Galel. And there will never be another. Getting rid of that existence isn’t a sacrifice, it’s a waste!” ~The Eleventh Doctor (Doctor Who new series S7, Ep7)

     Reach Out to Others: This is another one about change, how you affect and change others. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from the Doctor is that it’s not good to be alone, you shouldn’t shut yourself away from the world. A foreign concept for nerds I know but it’s one we should use more. The world can be such a cruel place that we become bitter, jaded. Hiding behind the mask of the internet people can say terrible things without seeing the toll it takes on others, we unleash our anger and frustrations on to people we’ll never see because we can. In the age of technology we’re always looking down into our screens, we don’t see the faces of the people sitting next to us. The world revolves around us because it’s our screen, our technology. We are surrounded by information, we have the world at our fingertips but we have never been more lonely. The internet is filled with so many voices trying to shout over the others to be heard, and since everyone is shouting no one is listening. We don’t realize that listening and being kind are two of the most powerful things you can do. I mean if someone is reading all the way through this post, I feel like I’ve been heard that people are listening and they care. It’s an amazing feeling. I’ve been a negative person my whole life so turning my perspective has been hard, I’ve become a cautious optimist but I’m still overly critical. I didn’t realize how saying one nice thing to someone can not only brighten their day but yours as well. I have a friend who is very…well she’s very much herself and is almost a force of nature, she seems like such a strong person but that doesn’t mean she is. It’s her front like we all have, one day on a whim I just looked at her and told her that I thought she was very pretty, it was like a magic phrase because her face lit up and I saw a whole new side of her that she usually keeps hidden under her mask of indifference. That’s all you have to do, give someone a compliment (actually mean it), instead of tearing someone a new one in a comment try to say something positive, constructive, or just don’t say it. It’s amazing how something so simple as kindness, as listening can be the hardest things to do and yet be so powerful.

“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant. And we definitely added to his pile of good things.” ~The Eleventh Doctor, (S5,Ep10)

“There’s a lot of things you need to get across this universe. Warp drive… wormhole refractors… You know the thing you need most of all? You need a hand to hold.” ~The Doctor, (S6, Ep6)

     We’re All Mad Here…So Have Fun With it: By this I mean, don’t take life to seriously. Be ridiculous, wear a funny hat, do a silly dance, laugh so hard you fall our of your chair. What’s the point of being alive if you never have fun? Being an adult doesn’t mean you have to be serious and never smile, it means exactly what you thought it meant when you were a kid. You can do whatever you want. Yeah most of us have responsibilities, jobs, spouses, bills, etc. So? You know what paying those bills means? You own stuff; your mom isn’t there to yell at you and send you to your room. Jump on your bed, buy a bunch of cheap ugly mugs and smash them with a baseball bat, eat ice cream for breakfast. What happened growing up that we thought we’d have to just do what everyone else did. Is it the security of a regular paycheck? We sacrifice our fun and freedom doing what everyone else expects. Screw that, one of my favorite things about the Doctor is that he has lived for so long and has never lost his childlike wonder. When was the last time you looked around and went, ‘wow look at all the cool things in the world’? When was the last time you looked up, at all, like just raising your head and seeing things from a new perspective? Exactly.

“I am and always will be the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams.” ~ The Eleventh Doctor, (S6,Ep6)

“When you’re a kid, they tell you it’s all… Grow up, get a job, get married, get a house, have a kid, and that’s it. But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that. It’s so much darker. And so much madder. And so much better.” ~ Elton Pope, (S2, Ep10)

“Captain Adelaide Brooke: State your name, rank and intention.
The Doctor: The Doctor. Doctor. Fun.” ~ The Tenth Doctor, (Special: Waters of Mars)

“Tracked you down with this. This is my Timey-Wimey detector. Goes ding when there’s stuff. Also, it can boil an egg at thirty paces. Whether you want it to or not, actually. So I’ve learned to stay away from hens. It’s not pretty when they blow.” ~ The Tenth Doctor (S3, Ep10)

      Fight for What’s Right:  The Doctor, the last Time Lord, The Oncoming Storm, the biggest bamf in the entire universe. Faces down (and usually defeats) Daleks, Cybermen, Satan himself (seriously like season two, watch it), and a horde of countless other creatures that would make you hide under the covers and cry for your mommy. Want to know how he does it, what his secret weapon is that can destroy the monsters under the bed? His brain and a sonic screwdriver. What’s a sonic screwdriver you ask? Well it’s a screwdriver (tools, not alcohol) that’s sonic. The whole thing I love with Doctor Who is that the Doctor never uses guns, well at least not since the new series started, he defeats his enemies with the power of intellect. He always gives them a chance but after that there are no more chances and he will destroy you. Sometimes he even gets them to destroy themselves (like the Silence). Honestly he’s the sweetest person ever; he’s impossible, mad, silly, funny, and just beautiful but if you get on his bad side, if you threaten the people he loves (or if you mess with the earth, seriously just don’t mess with us we have the Doctor) he will end you. Though he can be scary and contradictory in nature, the Doctor has always been one to try and find another way of doing things. He always gives his enemies a chance to stop, to just leave and let bygones be bygones, but they don’t and to protect us he will stop them. He inspires the people around him to take action when they see injustice, when creatures invade their planet. He inspires us to take action when we see the same thing, to not sit by when we see someone getting pushed around. Fight for what’s right, and be smart about it. 

“You want weapons? We’re in a library! Books! The best weapons in the world!” ~ The Tenth Doctor, (S4, Ep 8)

“Rose Tyler: Doctor, they’ve got guns.

The Doctor: And I haven’t, which makes me the better person, don’t you think? They can shoot me dead, but the moral high ground is mine.” ~ The Tenth Doctor (S2,Ep12)

I could go on and on but I’m reaching well over 2500 words and people’s attention spans are only so long. So here are a few things you need to know about Whovians since I haven’t even cracked the tip of this iceberg.

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There are so many other values you learn with Doctor Who; not judging people on appearance, every species has the right to live and the right to defend its existence, etc. Just…Just watch the show. You won’t regret it (you’ll totally regret it but in a good way) and you’ll meet a lot of cool people who are just as crazy as you. ^_^ I’ll be back in a few days with part two of this discussing Supernatural.


A Few of My Favorite Things, Boys Edition

I’ve been thinking about doing a favorites list for a while, favorite movies, food, etc. I know majority of the internet couldn’t care less what some random fangirls favorites are but I will do one anyway (don’t worry it’s not this one…kinda) not to get approval from random people but more to find common ground with potential friends and because my brain panics when asked a direct question. Someone will ask me “Hey, what’s your favorite movie?” and my mind freaks out, goes blank and then comes back a minute later like ‘Movie? I’ve never seen a movie in my entire life. What are these movies of which you speak?’ and then wracks itself to think of a movie, any movie. Then once it finds a movie it’s like ‘ha! yes, a movie say that out loud quick they’re looking at you funny’ and pushes the speak function which makes me then say to the person “Dumb & Dumber”. Really brain? Really? That’s the first movie that pops into my head? I don’t even like that movie!  If I write a list then maybe my brain when asked that question will say “check your blog!” before it says something stupid and runs away to hide from the evil direct question. Hopefully I’ll have internet when they ask or I’m screwed.

You know how I said this kinda wasn’t a favorites list? Yeah well, I lied. This is totally a favorites list. Today I’m going to talk about the famous boys (well technically men) that I love dearly and why I love them. If you’re more sexually attracted to the female of the species you might want to sit this one out or stick around for a good laugh and to maybe take notes on their awesomeness. I have three categories  when it comes to men; ones I love and respect (the I want to be like them group), ones I love to pieces (the best friend group), and ones that, damn they’re sexy (the if they asked me to marry them today I would drop everything in my life and run to them group). I will probably write one post for each category. Lets start shall we?

Love and Respect aka The Role Models

BTW this isn’t in any particular order of favorites.

1. Sir Patrick Stewart

fa41ffa6e9ac779a4a75abeece417af9Isn’t he adorable? Most people know Patrick Stewart from his work on Star Trek: The Next Generation, I’m actually not much of a Trekkie/Trekker (I know shocker right?) but I have to say that Captain Jean-Luc Picard was kinda bad ass. Also, the dude was Professor Charles Xavier in X-Men he’s way up there in the hierarchy of the nerd kingdom. I wouldn’t say he’s the king of nerds (unless there can be more than one then he’s totally a king of nerds) but he’s gotta be like a duke or count of nerds. If I could only use one word to describe Patrick Stewart it would be, charming. Everything about Stewart is absolutely charming in every sense of the word. He has a delightful sense of humor that seeps into everything he does and gives his eyes that mischievous twinkle. My favorite roll for him was when he was in Robin Hood Men in Tights, but I’m a sucker for that movie anyway. His voice, one of the most recognizable voices in the world, is a spellbinding baritone with a to-die-for British accent (I don’t know what it is about British accents but everything about them is wonderful). However the thing that makes me respect him (besides his mad acting skills) is his activism. Anyone who was able to sit through my last post (props to you if you did because it was incredibly whiny) knows a little about Patrick Stewart’s activist activities. If you didn’t, let me shed some light. Growing up Patrick Stewart watched as his mother suffered under domestic violence. Today he works with the Ring the Bell campaign to speak out against violence against women. “The truth is that domestic violence and violence against women touch many of us. This violence is not a private matter. Behind closed doors it is shielded and hidden and it only intensifies. It is protected by silence – everyone’s silence. Violence against women is learned. Each of us must examine — and change — the ways in which our own behavior might contribute to, enable, ignore or excuse all such forms of violence. I promise to do so, and to invite other men and allies to do the same”- Patrick Stewart. All that plus his down-to-earth, humbleness and genuinely kind nature (haven’t met him but I’ve heard from friends that have), what’s not to love about Sir Patrick Stewart?

2. Steven Moffat

One is the embodiment of pure evil...the other is a Dalek

One is the embodiment of pure evil…the other is a Dalek

I don’t think love is the right word when it comes to Steven Moffat, I have such mixed feelings about the man. Can you say you love someone if you curse their name on a daily basis? Yes? OK, then I do love Moffat in that whole there’s-a-thin-line-between-love-and-hate-and-I’ve-got-a-foot-on-either-side-of-the-line kind of way. I know that he’s not responsible for every little thing that happens on Doctor Who but I know that he takes pleasure in making our lives miserable so I’m blaming him for all Doctor Who feels. Hell I blame him for bad things that happen in real life. Moffat to me is an evil deity who feeds off the sorrow and feels of others, you have to worship him and respect his awful power (and I do have a lot of respect for the man/demon/thing) but that doesn’t mean you have to have fluffy bunny feelings toward him. Still you’ve got to love and respect his (and everyone else who writes on Doctor Who) mastery of storytelling. That fact he (they) can interweave seemingly random events and then make them click at just the right moment so that the entire audience has to go rewatch the entire season to figure out how the hell they missed that, shows the unbelievable amount of skill that he has. I didn’t even know brains could work that way.  So love? Eh, maybe. If I ever met Moffat I would probably slap him silly and then hug him. Respect? Yes, definitely. He challenges viewers and changes the way they think (though it ruins mainstream shows in the process because they become too predictable). Maybe he sold his soul to the devil or something because his knowledge of pacing, story, character building, exposition, etc. is a little too good at times. Though if he did sell his soul and isn’t an evil god himself I need to get a hold of him and find out the name of that demon. Totally would sell my soul for that kind of talent.

3. Joss Whedon

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I’m not going to say I saved the best for last, they’re all the best, but Joss Whedon has a special place in my heart. Buffy was my first fandom, it was the first show that I watched weekly (before dvr, meaning I had to catch it on time and watch it… with commercials *gasp!*) and couldn’t wait to find out what happened next. I was pretty young when Buffy started, lets see it started in 1997 so I was around 7-8 years old. I was fascinated by the show, I loved the witty dialog and the story they told me, it sucked me in and I became a lifelong Whedon fan. I have come to expect a certain degree of quality from a Joss Whedon show, and he has never disappointed me. I went from Buffy to Angel (mmm Angel) to Firefly to Dollhouse and while each of them have varying degrees of love (I have favorites) the point is that I love all of them. Since I was exposed to his shows at such a young age they have become part of my makeup, they affected my values, my sense of humor, how I problem solve, the type of guys I’m into (nerds, sarcastic, intelligent, British), the type of girls I’m into (Eliza Dushku was the first girl I had a crush on), etc. etc. It’s just a part of who I am now, I don’t sit around and think ‘what would Willow do?’ but if i took the time to analyze myself a small unconscious part probably did ask that question before I made my decision. I know by heart all the songs from Once More With Feeling and Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog. I’ve seen Serenity at least 10 times. If Joss Whedon comes out with a movie or show, you can bet I’m going to watch it. Here’s a conversation my dad and I had right after Cabin in the Woods came out.

Dad: You should go see it its really good

Me: I don’t know I’m not really in to horror movies

Dad: It’s not a horror movie, well it is but it isn’t

Me: …

Dad: Joss Whedon wrote it.

Me: I’ll go see it.

I don’t mean to gush about Whedon but he is a very important person in my life and I’ve never even met, talked to, or written to the guy. He has a way of picking the perfect actors and he knows the right moment of lightening the mood with a witty, dry, sarcastic remark/joke. I’m not even going to get started on the Avengers I already did a review on it. His shows and movies are the perfect blend of action, sorrow, sarcasm, humor, and fear. He raises the bar constantly and even though he makes me incredibly sad sometimes (I actually start freaking out if characters in his shows are happy for more than five minutes, Wash, Anya, Tara. I’m just saying man brings the pain) the Whedonverse is still one of my happy places, right up there with Hogwarts.

Honorable Mention for Amazing Skill and/or Storytelling:

Hayao Miyazaki: Best Children’s Stories, Best Subliminal Morals (strong women, pro-environment, inner strength, etc), God of Anime

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Peter Jackson: Best Making a Movie Correctly (taking time, making things by hand, not all CGI, true love of what you’re making), Head Tolkien Nerd.

Peter Jackson Hobbit Movie (2)

Guillermo Del Toro: Most Unique Way of Thinking, Best Completely Twisted Mind, Pure Imagination

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Invisible Scars; The Other Side of the Looking Glass

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Ok, this one is hard for me to write so bear with me if I ramble because I feel it needs to be said. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot, more than writing or even making my outfits that get posted on here. I do this thing sometimes where I just pull myself back into my mind and lock the door. I become a hermit, I clam up not wanting to do anything or see anyone. A part of it is because like many nerds I am a natural introvert (though a part of me is also extroverted but I think that might just be by comparison to my friends) but the largest part of it is because I’m Bipolar. Being Bipolar can be rough, first of all its one of those “invisible” diseases/disorders so it’s a coin toss if people believe you. Also Bipolar is one of those disorders that’s not taken very seriously, people who get moody will say “sorry I’m just being bipolar today”, and when you tell others you have this weird chemical imbalance in your brain that’s what they think, manic-depressive meaning oh some days she’ll be hyper and others she’ll be all weepy and sad. Nope. I’m not saying this to complain, but more to educate, being Bipolar is hard. For one thing it’s much more than just being manic or depressed (well it is and it isn’t) and even doctors don’t know a lot about it. Hell I have it and I’m learning new stuff every day, unfortunately it’s mostly by experiencing the new stuff. During a manic episode it’s completely logical to me to spend a ton of money that I really don’t have to spend, have one night stands with people I normally wouldn’t even go near (also ruined some friendships that way), I get irritable at people just for breathing, I speak and type a mile a minute and jump from subject to random subject in a blink (not just tracks of thought like I normally do, complete stations/continents of thought where even I’m going “how the hell did I get here?”), I can’t think straight or focus for more than a minute at a time, and even though that’s bad being depressed is worse. Being depressed is like falling down a dry well and knowing you can’t get out and no one will save you, I lie in bed for days and try to wish the world away. It hurts to get out of bed, to deal with people (even dear friends and family), even to smile. I have to force yourself to speak when spoken to, to shower, to eat, to write or create. During a depressive period when I look in the mirror (though most of the time I desperately avoid them, I can go for days without a mirror) all I see is a disgusting monster and little voices in my head whisper to me constantly that I’m ugly, useless, I’m a terrible writer, nobody likes me, all I do on this planet is waste space. It can take days/weeks for me to find a way to drag myself out of those holes and while I’m down there or dragging myself out I’m exhausted, listless, I hide from people by retreating into my head and I just want to die.

So in short being depressed is like being in high school times 100 and being manic is like being a self-destructive junkie on a bender. Add a few hallucinations, anxiety attacks, and voices and you get the gist of what I deal with on a daily basis. The fact that this disorder is genetic (no escape, thanks dad!), there’s no cure, it gets worse with age, can be misdiagnosed as Depression and antidepressants make people with Bipolar suicidal, and unless you find the right kind of medications (since there isn’t one specifically for bipolar you’re basically mixing mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety pills, and antipsychotics into a Molotov cocktail and throwing it into your brain crossing your fingers that it works.) you’re screwed and the wrong mix could either kill you or have you try to kill yourself is just an added bonus.

But that’s not the point of all this, I’m not trying to complain to the world that being Bipolar sucks (because it really suuuuuuucks) I’m just, I don’t know, working through some stuff by writing about it I guess. Honestly you don’t have to read this, if you’ve made it this far I have to congratulate you. I had a point originally, I was thinking of what makes an artist an artist. If I only write once in a while is it because I’m depressed and Bipolar, because I don’t have anything to say, am I just lazy, or is it because I’m not really a writer? I think therefore I am, I write therefore I’m a writer. If I’m not writing I guess I’m not a writer. But I am writing, and now I’m confused. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have an original thought in my head… and I’m rambling and being depressing on to the next topic!

The reason I started writing this was a. I felt I had a point and needed to write (if you find a point in there, someone let me know because I think I lost it) b. because I saw something inspirational and it inspired me to write. I was watching a Q&A  with Sir Patrick Stuart, a man I love dearly and deeply admire and he was talking about how he and his mother survived domestic abuse. So many of the people I admire had to deal with terrible situations in their life external and internal (and they didn’t always overcome them), I like how they explained my favorite artist Vincent Van Gogh in Doctor Who because to me it explains all artists (writers, actors, dancers, singers) or at least the really good ones they “transform the pain in” their “tormented life into ecstatic beauty”. That’s what I want to do, I want to transform the pain like Patrick and Vincent. I want to turn the pain of being Bipolar, being the black sheep of the family, being bullied as a child, having had abusive and toxic relationships, and I want to make beauty. I want my words to move people, to move myself. I want people to see that even with all the crap in my life that I deal with daily and they deal with daily that there is still hope and good in the world, that they can have it if they just reach out for it. I want people to know that they’re special and amazing creatures. I want to believe it myself. Mostly I want to finish my book, I  need to prove to myself that I am a writer because I love telling stories, I love creating something and sharing it with people. I’ve been working on (though mostly thinking because I’ve been locked in my brain for months) a story and I posted the prologue on my other blog, where this post probably should have gone since it’s kinda depressing and emotional. It a fantasy story about a secret organization, based off traditional tarot cards, who police and are peacekeepers for the 5 races (the underground magic community). Now they are under attack…haven’t worked out all the kinks but it’s fun and I love my characters. I just need to turn “want” into “do”. Hopefully before depression takes hold again.

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p.s. if anyone cares to look at the prologue they can here https://figmentedandfractured.wordpress.com/2013/02/08/the-readers-prologue/ but its a rough draft so read it at your own risk, and if you leave feedback say something nice, constructive or don’t say anything at all.


New Show in the Whedonverse? Yes, Please.

So this was posted.

http://www.nerdist.com/2013/05/marvels-agents-of-s-h-i-e-l-d-first-promo/

And already I’m psyched. Kinda confused about the whole *spoilers* it’s after the Avengers movie but Coulson is a main character in the show…and is alive. I’m sure there is some comic book loophole explanation that will be in the first episode. What I’m mainly excited about is that it’s a Joss Whedon show. We haven’t had a Whedon show since Dollhouse, I know I know that was only like 3 years ago (feels longer) but still TV isn’t TV without Joss. I’m kinda in full on fangirl squee mode right now. Best part (besides the whole Whedon, S.H.I.E.L.D awesomeness)? It’s on ABC not FOX. Why the big deal about network? Well because …5367e2388b1494f2740a2714361c08e5

Lets just say the Browncoats still haven’t forgiven FOX for their treachery. I’m hoping and I’m sure others are too that because of the Avengers success and the whole not being on FOX there might be a chance that we get Whedon’s new show for a lot longer than, oh say, Firefly and Dollhouse. Now excuse me while I go jump around the house like a 10 year-old who just found out they were going to Disneyland.


50 Years, 11 Doctors, 1 Moffat.

doctor who 50 bfiSo it’s been a while since I’ve ranted about Doctor Who and as the date nears for the rest of season 7 and then later this year the 50th anniversary special (March 30th and November 23rd respectively) I feel the need to rant once more and get some of these fangirl nerves out of my system. Recently BBC America showed two episodes of something called Doctor Who: The Doctors Revisited (check your local listings) and it started me on the oh so familiar path of impatient waiting and obsessing. Usually I’m good at waiting (no really I am…stop laughing) especially if it’s a long wait because then I can wean myself off of the obsession in question and distract myself with others. Luckily I had Arrow (another show I should talk about) this year to blissfully distract me from the gnawing hole in my heart when Doctor Who goes away. It helps that Arrow has comfortingly familiar actors like *spoilers, well not really but still* John Barrowman (my favorite person on the planet) and now, since this weeks episode, Alex Kingston. Ah! It’s so great! My favorite people in other shows! I’m being spoiled, Moffat must be up to something diabolical like making me super happy to crush my soul even further and watch my emotions take a suicidal swan dive from a higher place. That’s it isn’t it? I’m getting all these cool things in Arrow and Moffat can tell I’m happy (and so are other Whovians) and will make a super evil episode of Doctor Who to return us to our normal state of dazed devastation (the look you see on the faces of disaster survivors is the exact same as a Whovian who just lived through a Moffat episode).

Anyway I’ll get off the crazy train for a bit. Where was I before reliving the painful memories? Oh yeah, when it’s a long wait I have things to distract myself but the closer I get to the actual day the more excruciating the waiting becomes. We are at 29 days now people, 29 days until new Doctor Who! I’m gonna lose what’s left of my sanity (not that there’s much sanity left to lose) waiting till the end of this month. I’ll be obsessively scouring the internet for the tiniest clue of what might happen this season, rewatching the episodes of the first half of the season (and then crying hysterically cuz some of those episodes are still painful to watch), and discussing the show with other Whovians who are in the same boat as me (they share my pain). It’s a vicious cycle but I wouldn’t trade it for anything because it’s part of being a Whovian. This entity that started out as a silly little show in the 60’s has now grown to a worldwide phenomena with its own culture and practically its own language. I’m happy to be part of that society, that culture. I have a common bond with people all over the world, because of a show, people who understand my obsession and have shared the emotional rollercoaster that it Doctor Who. For a nerd, for me, that’s a big deal. Being able to have that understanding when growing up you were shunned and ridiculed for being a nerd, now there’s a culture where you can be yourself and flourish. Plus, it helps knowing I’m not the only one freaking out over the wait. I’ve converted many of my friends to Whovianism just so I would have people to wait with me and share my pain (I’m mean-spirited like that. mwahahaha).

This year is going to be amazing. We get a new and intriguing companion for the Doctor, new episodes, possible 3D Doctor Who, the 50th anniversary, the Christmas special, and there have even been hints of us getting a new Doctor. It’s 2013, we’ve survived the apocalypse (well at least one apocalypse), and it’s culminated in this 50 years, 11 Doctor, and 1 Moffat. I can’t wait.

p.s. if you want more info on the 50th anniversary I use this website. http://www.cultbox.co.uk/features/guides/3929-doctor-who-50th-anniversary-news-summary


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