Category Archives: Ramblings

Fandoms as Religion: Superwholock part 2

Sam-Castiel-Dean-supernatural-16744455-1280-800Ah, Supernatural. It still amazes me that Superwholock exists, not the individual shows I mean you’d have to be FOX crazy (still haven’t forgiven them for Firefly) not to put shows this good on the air, I mean these fandoms coming together as a whole. These shows are so different, they’re even different genres; scifi, fantasy, and  mystery yet they fit together like perfect pieces of a puzzle. Supernatural is the oddest one of the three as the other two are about science (even if it’s the wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey kind) and abhor any inclination of magic as there’s probably a logical reason for it. Supernatural on the other hand is like ‘screw it we are all about magic’, demons, angels, heaven and hell, all these things are real in the Supernatural world.

Religion: Supernatural

Followers: Hunters? (dunno if that’s the actual one but that’s what I call us)

Established: 2005

Works: Supernatural season 1-8, Supernatural the animated series.

Gospel according to me: Warning this is *spoiler* heavy.

Family: If there is one thing this show is about it’s family. Underneath the fighting, the magic, the constant struggle between good and evil, the deepest roots of Supernatural are set in the importance of family. When the world is crashing down around you (sometimes literally) it’s your family who will pull you back out of the rubble. Now I know there are a lot of people in this world who don’t understand; maybe they hate their families, they had a crappy childhood, or maybe they just don’t have a family. Family isn’t just what you’re born into, blood may account for somethings but I’m a big believer in nurture over nature and Supernatural is a big example of that. Here’s how I see the Supernatural family; we have the two main characters Sam and Dean Winchester, brothers by blood. Dean, the older brother, raises Sam in place of an absentee father who’s bent on avenging the death of his wife. Their father, well lets just say I understand the why and how of him but he’s a terrible father. Later in life Sam and Dean meet Bobby, a grumpy old hunter and the person I view as their true father. Bobby is what a dad should be (or at least in my opinion, I wouldn’t know first hand what a good dad should be), yeah he’s crotchety and an alcoholic but he’s there for his boys, he loves them and helps clean up their messes when they screw up like. Then there’s Castiel, the angel with little social skills. I don’t know how to describe Castiel in terms of family title but he’s still family. There are people along the way who add to their little family (Jo & Ellen for example) but these four are the central pillars. They would die for each other (and have) in an instant and they would kill for each other just as quickly. Yeah they’re all screwed up, once in a while they try to kill each other (honestly, what family doesn’t?) or they try to end the world but to me they’re the true meaning of family. They are best explained in the immortal words of Stitch, “This is my family. I found it, all on my own. It’s little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good.”

Are you under the impression that family’s supposed to make you feel good, make you an apple pie, maybe? They’re supposed to make you miserable! That’s why they’re family!” -Bobby Singer (S4,Ep22)

Knowledge is an Important Part of Your Arsenal: Along with salt and guns of course. The thing that has kept these two alive for as long as they have is knowledge. You see it almost every episode, weird stuff happening in some part of the U.S. that catches the Winchesters eye, they research what it might be and how to kill it, then they kill it. If they go in guns ablaze without figuring out what it is then they get their asses kicked. If they can’t find the knowledge themselves they call Bobby or someone else who might help them. They aren’t super intellectual or act like it’s easy to find/know the information like Sherlock or the Doctor. To them it’s a simple fact of survival, you need to know what you’re fighting if you are going to have any chance of winning. That means sitting for hours and looking through the internet or dusty old books and scrolls. Long boring work but it pays off, then they know how to kill a ghost (salt and burn their bones) or how to identify a shifter (hate silver, eyes light up in reflections/video) and it saves their lives.

You Gotta Do What You Gotta Do:  Responsibility, duty, idiocy, whatever you want to call it, the Winchesters think they are the only people who can save the world. I was going to compare them to Buffy (the vampire slayer) because in both shows they carry the crushing burden of saving the world (multiple times) but they’re not like her at all. Buffy was a normal girl for most of her life but was transformed into a superhero when the Slayer before her died. “In every generation there is a chosen one. She alone will fight the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.” Sam and Dean were raised in the life of a hunter but they don’t have the advantage of superhuman strength and speed (I’m not counting demon blood Sam’s über psychic powers). While they may be screwed up mentally (they were raised as hunters, they’ve both died and gone to hell, who wouldn’t have issues?) they are normal humans. Normal humans doing extraordinary things. They fight so hard for humanity but, it’s not some grand heroic gesture like you see in the epics of old. They don’t have a few quests, one big fight and then all is well, it’s real life an everyday struggle where they put their life on the line. There are times when both of them have had an out; honestly both of them could have walked away, shut their eyes and plugged their ears from signs of evil and go have a normal life. Even when they get a break they always return to the life. Why? Why when they had such a chance at happiness do they always come back? Because, they have to. It’s in their nature, it’s who they are, they’re heroes and heroes never stop fighting. The fight continues until they die (permanently, those guys don’t stay dead) and they don’t fight for glory or because it will get better for  them if they do, they do it because it’s right. They save as many as they can, and keep trying to save more. They never get the recognition they deserve (not that they care), all I can hope for them is that when they die (well, when death sticks) that they get a gravestone like Buffy’s in season five. Here lies the Winchesters. They saved the world, a lot.

Sam: “How do you do it? How does Dad do it?

Dean: “Well for one, them. I mean, our family’s so screwed to hell, maybe we can help some others. Makes things a little bit more bearable. And I tell you what else helps. Killing as many evil sons-of-bitches as I possibly can.” (S1,Ep2)

What would you rather have. Peace or Freedom?: Choices. That’s what it’s all about. The entire show is centered around it. Two humans being set up against gods, angels, demon, destiny, fate. Most people would have given up when finding out that their fate was preordained but the best thing about this show is that the Winchesters don’t care. Season five is the best example of that, the whole season Sam and Dean are trying to stop the Apocalypse something foretold in the biblical book of Revelations. They’ve been told that everything about them can be chalked up to fate and that they can’t fight it. Dean will become the vessel for the arch angel Michael and Sam will be the vessel for Lucifer, then the two of them will fight to the death. The angels (who, besides Castiel, I really dislike) spend the season messing with them and in the end they talk about how when Michael beats Lucifer the angels will descend and peace will reign on earth. And by peace they basically mean no free will. Even when things look bleak the Winchester still fight against this, they aren’t going to lie down and just let things happen, screw fate they decide for themselves and that’s what all those holy/unholy powers don’t understand. Angels and demons, it’s always about the big picture, the big concepts. They don’t see the tiny little things that make life worthwhile, what makes being human so important. Yes the world is a big scary place and humanity as a whole can be a bit ugly at times. But for us who live here on earth the things that are the most important aren’t the biggest gestures it’s all the details that make up the whole of life; a cool washcloth placed on your forehead when you’re sick, getting to lick the spoon when your grandmother is baking, a strangers outstretched hand helping you up when you’ve fallen. It was the same in season five when Dean was trying to reach out to Sam it was the flash of memory that Sam got of growing up with Dean in that 1967 Chevy Impala that saved the world.
“So what’s it all add up to? It’s hard to say. But me, I’d say this was a test… for Sam and Dean. And I think they did all right. Up against, Good, Evil, angels, devils, Destiny, and God himself, they made their own choice. They chose family. And, well… isn’t that kinda the whole point?” -Chuck (S5, Ep22)

Fandoms as Religion: Superwholock- the Holy Trinity

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I’m probably gonna get a lot of crap for this post but, meh. This is my corner of the internet and if you don’t like it then get out. I’ve realized recently that though I’m a pagan that there is another religion that is near and dear to my heart and effects the way I live my life. Fandoms. People are always joking about how fandoms are like a religion (or cult, take your pick), that they are a way of life for many nerds. Even though we’re joking, if you look at it from an unbiased sociological standpoint fandoms really are a religion. We learn things from them, there’s a congregation (the fanbase), it effects the way we live our life and see the world, the scripture (shows/quotes) teaches us lessons on morality, sacrifice, love, and the importance of kindness, mercy, family, and…salt. Like real religions we have dogma (canon) and then the way that the individuals interpret the words (fanfic/discussion boards/slash), and also like real religions the followers are actively (sometimes belligerently) working to convert others in their communities. Now I know many people are outraged ‘how can you say something like that?! Your shows are works of fiction and yet you compare them to our loving (insert god here)’. Yes, yes I do. I can go with the argument of ‘show me proof of your god, blah blah blah’ but honestly while I respect your religious beliefs frankly my dear I don’t give a damn what you think of me. The most important thing about religion is faith, to choose to believe in something that may/may not be real. I believe in Sherlock Holmes, I’m not saying Benedict Cumberbatch or any of the actors in these things are Jesus or God or Cthulhu (that’s just silly). I’m talking about the characters, the idea that lives on long after the actors and crew are dead, people come and go but ideas, stories they live forever. I currently have 4 religions, first of all I’m Pagan, a religion recognized by most governments and societies as a real religion. My others are the ones I consider the major fandom denominations and I will have a segment on each, Superwholock, The Whedonverse, and Harry Potter. Today’s religion breakdown is Superwholock (obviously). What? Blasphemy? I’m not being blasphemous, if I’m being blasphemous than may Zeus strike me…

The-best-top-desktop-lightning-wallpapers-lightning-wallpaper-4Er…nevermind. Onward! ^_^ (I am having way too much fun with this)

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I call Superwholock the holy trinity because these three fandoms; Whovians, Sherlockians, Hunters fit together so well even though they’re so different. These are the three most popular fandoms and they coexist in harmony, many fans of one becoming fans of all three. I’m going to break Superwholock down into its three essential parts. Hold on to your fezzes kids, we’re heading down the rabbit hole.

Doctor Who

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Followers/fans are called: Whovians

Founded: 1963

Deity: The Doctor (real name unknown)

The Evil One: Steven Moffat

Holy Works: 50 years worth of TV episodes (roughly 786 episodes) , 2 movies, countless books/comics/magazines.

Gospel:  I don’t really know how to describe these as actual religions would so I’m just going to tell what I’ve learned from it. The gospel according to me.

          Accepting Change/ Accepting Loss: We’ve had eleven doctors, 11 different actors for the same character, and we’ll soon be getting our 12th. As a Whovian you learn that the only constants in life are change and death. We don’t get to hold on to our Doctor, I think I’ve done a post on what a whovian goes through when the Doctor regenerates (here  https://kendramillisor.wordpress.com/2012/11/28/whats-that-horrible-sound/ ) so I won’t go through it again. The basics of it is that we learn to cherish what we have, mourn our loss but not be swept up in it (ok, we totally get swept up in the feels but if don’t move on we’ll miss all the cool new stuff), and learn to accept the changes that come from that loss. But we also know that we shouldn’t just accept everything that comes our way, there’s no such thing as fate (there’s inevitability but that’s way different), we have the ability to create change as much as we ourselves are subject to change.

“When you run with the Doctor, it feels like it’ll never end, but however hard you try you can’t run forever. Everybody knows that everybody dies and nobody knows it like the Doctor, but I do think that all the skies of all the worlds might just turn dark if he ever, for one moment, accepts it. Everybody knows that everybody dies, but not every day. Not today. Some days are special. Some days are so, so blessed. Some days, nobody dies at all. Now and then, every once in a very long while, every day in a million days, when the wind stands fair and the Doctor comes to call, everybody lives.”~ Professor River Song, (Doctor Who new series S4,Ep9)

       How Important We Are: Every person on the planet when looking at the vast cosmos can get the overwhelming feeling of being tiny and insignificant. Many people feel like that anyways, living our day to day lives not being extraordinary or exceptional, just living and feeling unimportant. Then you watch Doctor Who and you feel (even if it’s just for a moment) like you can do anything, that you are something more than what you might think. Look at the entire storyline of Donna Noble, she never felt like she was important she was just a ‘temp from Chiswik’, yet she became the most important woman in the entire universe. Seeing someone like Donna, someone you can relate to, go from where she started to what she became you begin to feel like maybe you too can be important. It’s a tiny rebellion inside your head that you don’t have to follow the status quo and you can do extraordinary things. The only one stopping you is you.

“In 900 years of time and space, I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important” ~ The Eleventh Doctor, (S6, Christmas special)

“Hey. Do you mind if I tell you a story? One you might not have heard. All the elements in your body were forged many many millions of years ago in the heart of a faraway star that exploded and died. That explosion scattered those elements across the desolations of deep space. After so, so many millions of years, these elements came together to form new stars and new planets. And on and on it went. The elements came together and burst apart, forming shoes and ships and sealing wax and cabbages and kings. Until, eventually, they came together to make you. You are unique in the universe. There is only one Merry Galel. And there will never be another. Getting rid of that existence isn’t a sacrifice, it’s a waste!” ~The Eleventh Doctor (Doctor Who new series S7, Ep7)

     Reach Out to Others: This is another one about change, how you affect and change others. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from the Doctor is that it’s not good to be alone, you shouldn’t shut yourself away from the world. A foreign concept for nerds I know but it’s one we should use more. The world can be such a cruel place that we become bitter, jaded. Hiding behind the mask of the internet people can say terrible things without seeing the toll it takes on others, we unleash our anger and frustrations on to people we’ll never see because we can. In the age of technology we’re always looking down into our screens, we don’t see the faces of the people sitting next to us. The world revolves around us because it’s our screen, our technology. We are surrounded by information, we have the world at our fingertips but we have never been more lonely. The internet is filled with so many voices trying to shout over the others to be heard, and since everyone is shouting no one is listening. We don’t realize that listening and being kind are two of the most powerful things you can do. I mean if someone is reading all the way through this post, I feel like I’ve been heard that people are listening and they care. It’s an amazing feeling. I’ve been a negative person my whole life so turning my perspective has been hard, I’ve become a cautious optimist but I’m still overly critical. I didn’t realize how saying one nice thing to someone can not only brighten their day but yours as well. I have a friend who is very…well she’s very much herself and is almost a force of nature, she seems like such a strong person but that doesn’t mean she is. It’s her front like we all have, one day on a whim I just looked at her and told her that I thought she was very pretty, it was like a magic phrase because her face lit up and I saw a whole new side of her that she usually keeps hidden under her mask of indifference. That’s all you have to do, give someone a compliment (actually mean it), instead of tearing someone a new one in a comment try to say something positive, constructive, or just don’t say it. It’s amazing how something so simple as kindness, as listening can be the hardest things to do and yet be so powerful.

“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant. And we definitely added to his pile of good things.” ~The Eleventh Doctor, (S5,Ep10)

“There’s a lot of things you need to get across this universe. Warp drive… wormhole refractors… You know the thing you need most of all? You need a hand to hold.” ~The Doctor, (S6, Ep6)

     We’re All Mad Here…So Have Fun With it: By this I mean, don’t take life to seriously. Be ridiculous, wear a funny hat, do a silly dance, laugh so hard you fall our of your chair. What’s the point of being alive if you never have fun? Being an adult doesn’t mean you have to be serious and never smile, it means exactly what you thought it meant when you were a kid. You can do whatever you want. Yeah most of us have responsibilities, jobs, spouses, bills, etc. So? You know what paying those bills means? You own stuff; your mom isn’t there to yell at you and send you to your room. Jump on your bed, buy a bunch of cheap ugly mugs and smash them with a baseball bat, eat ice cream for breakfast. What happened growing up that we thought we’d have to just do what everyone else did. Is it the security of a regular paycheck? We sacrifice our fun and freedom doing what everyone else expects. Screw that, one of my favorite things about the Doctor is that he has lived for so long and has never lost his childlike wonder. When was the last time you looked around and went, ‘wow look at all the cool things in the world’? When was the last time you looked up, at all, like just raising your head and seeing things from a new perspective? Exactly.

“I am and always will be the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams.” ~ The Eleventh Doctor, (S6,Ep6)

“When you’re a kid, they tell you it’s all… Grow up, get a job, get married, get a house, have a kid, and that’s it. But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that. It’s so much darker. And so much madder. And so much better.” ~ Elton Pope, (S2, Ep10)

“Captain Adelaide Brooke: State your name, rank and intention.
The Doctor: The Doctor. Doctor. Fun.” ~ The Tenth Doctor, (Special: Waters of Mars)

“Tracked you down with this. This is my Timey-Wimey detector. Goes ding when there’s stuff. Also, it can boil an egg at thirty paces. Whether you want it to or not, actually. So I’ve learned to stay away from hens. It’s not pretty when they blow.” ~ The Tenth Doctor (S3, Ep10)

      Fight for What’s Right:  The Doctor, the last Time Lord, The Oncoming Storm, the biggest bamf in the entire universe. Faces down (and usually defeats) Daleks, Cybermen, Satan himself (seriously like season two, watch it), and a horde of countless other creatures that would make you hide under the covers and cry for your mommy. Want to know how he does it, what his secret weapon is that can destroy the monsters under the bed? His brain and a sonic screwdriver. What’s a sonic screwdriver you ask? Well it’s a screwdriver (tools, not alcohol) that’s sonic. The whole thing I love with Doctor Who is that the Doctor never uses guns, well at least not since the new series started, he defeats his enemies with the power of intellect. He always gives them a chance but after that there are no more chances and he will destroy you. Sometimes he even gets them to destroy themselves (like the Silence). Honestly he’s the sweetest person ever; he’s impossible, mad, silly, funny, and just beautiful but if you get on his bad side, if you threaten the people he loves (or if you mess with the earth, seriously just don’t mess with us we have the Doctor) he will end you. Though he can be scary and contradictory in nature, the Doctor has always been one to try and find another way of doing things. He always gives his enemies a chance to stop, to just leave and let bygones be bygones, but they don’t and to protect us he will stop them. He inspires the people around him to take action when they see injustice, when creatures invade their planet. He inspires us to take action when we see the same thing, to not sit by when we see someone getting pushed around. Fight for what’s right, and be smart about it. 

“You want weapons? We’re in a library! Books! The best weapons in the world!” ~ The Tenth Doctor, (S4, Ep 8)

“Rose Tyler: Doctor, they’ve got guns.

The Doctor: And I haven’t, which makes me the better person, don’t you think? They can shoot me dead, but the moral high ground is mine.” ~ The Tenth Doctor (S2,Ep12)

I could go on and on but I’m reaching well over 2500 words and people’s attention spans are only so long. So here are a few things you need to know about Whovians since I haven’t even cracked the tip of this iceberg.

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There are so many other values you learn with Doctor Who; not judging people on appearance, every species has the right to live and the right to defend its existence, etc. Just…Just watch the show. You won’t regret it (you’ll totally regret it but in a good way) and you’ll meet a lot of cool people who are just as crazy as you. ^_^ I’ll be back in a few days with part two of this discussing Supernatural.


Invisible Scars; The Other Side of the Looking Glass

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Ok, this one is hard for me to write so bear with me if I ramble because I feel it needs to be said. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot, more than writing or even making my outfits that get posted on here. I do this thing sometimes where I just pull myself back into my mind and lock the door. I become a hermit, I clam up not wanting to do anything or see anyone. A part of it is because like many nerds I am a natural introvert (though a part of me is also extroverted but I think that might just be by comparison to my friends) but the largest part of it is because I’m Bipolar. Being Bipolar can be rough, first of all its one of those “invisible” diseases/disorders so it’s a coin toss if people believe you. Also Bipolar is one of those disorders that’s not taken very seriously, people who get moody will say “sorry I’m just being bipolar today”, and when you tell others you have this weird chemical imbalance in your brain that’s what they think, manic-depressive meaning oh some days she’ll be hyper and others she’ll be all weepy and sad. Nope. I’m not saying this to complain, but more to educate, being Bipolar is hard. For one thing it’s much more than just being manic or depressed (well it is and it isn’t) and even doctors don’t know a lot about it. Hell I have it and I’m learning new stuff every day, unfortunately it’s mostly by experiencing the new stuff. During a manic episode it’s completely logical to me to spend a ton of money that I really don’t have to spend, have one night stands with people I normally wouldn’t even go near (also ruined some friendships that way), I get irritable at people just for breathing, I speak and type a mile a minute and jump from subject to random subject in a blink (not just tracks of thought like I normally do, complete stations/continents of thought where even I’m going “how the hell did I get here?”), I can’t think straight or focus for more than a minute at a time, and even though that’s bad being depressed is worse. Being depressed is like falling down a dry well and knowing you can’t get out and no one will save you, I lie in bed for days and try to wish the world away. It hurts to get out of bed, to deal with people (even dear friends and family), even to smile. I have to force yourself to speak when spoken to, to shower, to eat, to write or create. During a depressive period when I look in the mirror (though most of the time I desperately avoid them, I can go for days without a mirror) all I see is a disgusting monster and little voices in my head whisper to me constantly that I’m ugly, useless, I’m a terrible writer, nobody likes me, all I do on this planet is waste space. It can take days/weeks for me to find a way to drag myself out of those holes and while I’m down there or dragging myself out I’m exhausted, listless, I hide from people by retreating into my head and I just want to die.

So in short being depressed is like being in high school times 100 and being manic is like being a self-destructive junkie on a bender. Add a few hallucinations, anxiety attacks, and voices and you get the gist of what I deal with on a daily basis. The fact that this disorder is genetic (no escape, thanks dad!), there’s no cure, it gets worse with age, can be misdiagnosed as Depression and antidepressants make people with Bipolar suicidal, and unless you find the right kind of medications (since there isn’t one specifically for bipolar you’re basically mixing mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety pills, and antipsychotics into a Molotov cocktail and throwing it into your brain crossing your fingers that it works.) you’re screwed and the wrong mix could either kill you or have you try to kill yourself is just an added bonus.

But that’s not the point of all this, I’m not trying to complain to the world that being Bipolar sucks (because it really suuuuuuucks) I’m just, I don’t know, working through some stuff by writing about it I guess. Honestly you don’t have to read this, if you’ve made it this far I have to congratulate you. I had a point originally, I was thinking of what makes an artist an artist. If I only write once in a while is it because I’m depressed and Bipolar, because I don’t have anything to say, am I just lazy, or is it because I’m not really a writer? I think therefore I am, I write therefore I’m a writer. If I’m not writing I guess I’m not a writer. But I am writing, and now I’m confused. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have an original thought in my head… and I’m rambling and being depressing on to the next topic!

The reason I started writing this was a. I felt I had a point and needed to write (if you find a point in there, someone let me know because I think I lost it) b. because I saw something inspirational and it inspired me to write. I was watching a Q&A  with Sir Patrick Stuart, a man I love dearly and deeply admire and he was talking about how he and his mother survived domestic abuse. So many of the people I admire had to deal with terrible situations in their life external and internal (and they didn’t always overcome them), I like how they explained my favorite artist Vincent Van Gogh in Doctor Who because to me it explains all artists (writers, actors, dancers, singers) or at least the really good ones they “transform the pain in” their “tormented life into ecstatic beauty”. That’s what I want to do, I want to transform the pain like Patrick and Vincent. I want to turn the pain of being Bipolar, being the black sheep of the family, being bullied as a child, having had abusive and toxic relationships, and I want to make beauty. I want my words to move people, to move myself. I want people to see that even with all the crap in my life that I deal with daily and they deal with daily that there is still hope and good in the world, that they can have it if they just reach out for it. I want people to know that they’re special and amazing creatures. I want to believe it myself. Mostly I want to finish my book, I  need to prove to myself that I am a writer because I love telling stories, I love creating something and sharing it with people. I’ve been working on (though mostly thinking because I’ve been locked in my brain for months) a story and I posted the prologue on my other blog, where this post probably should have gone since it’s kinda depressing and emotional. It a fantasy story about a secret organization, based off traditional tarot cards, who police and are peacekeepers for the 5 races (the underground magic community). Now they are under attack…haven’t worked out all the kinks but it’s fun and I love my characters. I just need to turn “want” into “do”. Hopefully before depression takes hold again.

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p.s. if anyone cares to look at the prologue they can here https://figmentedandfractured.wordpress.com/2013/02/08/the-readers-prologue/ but its a rough draft so read it at your own risk, and if you leave feedback say something nice, constructive or don’t say anything at all.


Oh the Humanity

Many of you may have already seen or know of this display of idiocy that the Fox News channel considers as news. What many of you may not know is that I myself am Pagan and I am outraged. I try to keep this blog away from politics for the most part because I like my blog to be a happy place but this isn’t politics, this is my life, my religion being treated as if it was a joke (and most of what they were saying was either misinformation or just plain lies). I know there’s not much I can do about the views of people and I can’t undo prejudice and I know that Fox News is 80% lies and the rest of the “news” is filtered  but when I watched this video I was hurt. Even if I wasn’t Pagan as an American this is just wrong and the sad thing is that I’m just one in a long line of people who have been mocked and persecuted for being nothing more than true to themselves in this so-called “land of equality”. I think the reason it hurts is because I don’t hate my country, (I do hate idiocy and sometimes the two can be confused due to people and politicians but that’s different) I love being an American and most of the time I am also proud to be one. I know that in times of crisis we can pull together as a single voice and do amazing things, I remember 9/11 not for the terrible things that happened that day but for the ordinary people who became heroes by becoming extraordinary in a time of panic and confusion. Or even more recently during hurricane Sandy there were simple acts of kindness like this

541351_547782008584590_498324285_nSo when stupid hateful things, like everything Fox News says ever, happen I feel like Americans and humanity as a whole are cheapening ourselves. We could be doing so much more and yet we’re stuck squabbling on the things that make us different and putting labels on one another so that we can feel better about the fact that what we’re really doing is hurting another human being. We’re all human it’s stupid to me to discriminate against someone based on their religious beliefs, sexual orientation, skin color, type of shoes they wear, etc etc whatever. At the end of the day we’re all the same species. I’m not saying I’m a saint who doesn’t judge people but I judge people on their actions. You can say that you, for example, worship a kind and loving god but if you’re telling me that I’m a terrible person and I’m going to hell for worshiping Satan (which I don’t by the way no Pagan worships Satan) or for being bisexual or just for being different from you and you’re being rude to me and calling me a godless heathen (these are all just examples btw…) and then you turn around and are a judgmental ass to everyone and say this country belongs only to your kind of people. I’m not only gonna think you’re an ass and an idiot but that maybe you either aren’t worshiping your god correctly (if you go out and tell people you are a certain religion you represent your religion from then on through your actions) or that you’re worshiping a hateful asshole god. Anyway I’m getting off topic, basically my point is this… My name is Kendra Millisor I am a Pagan, I’m bisexual, I’m a nerd, a freak of nature, and an American. I will fight for what I believe is right, I will live true to who I am no matter what people think of me, and I will always try to make myself a better person, try to make the world a better place, and (probably naively) always hope for the best in humanity.

 

P.S. if anyone has any questions about what I said or about Paganism, or you just want to vent go ahead and shoot me a message in the comments.


My Favorite Christmas Tradition

I was overly negative yesterday so I decided to be completely positive in my post today. Every year I watch my favorite Christmas movie, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, with my family. It’s a peaceful moment of everyone just relaxing together and watching a good movie. I hope everyone can have moments like that. Happy Holidays!

Greatest of all Christmas movies!

Greatest of all Christmas movies!


Ah The Holidays

Ah the holidays, a time of family and being kind to your fellow-man. A time of riots at stores, high suicide rates, and dealing with the relatives (gasp!). Now I don’t hate the holidays, I mean I get days off work and its one of the few times of the year that my family gets together and pretends that we’re a big happy family (it’s like cleaning your room by shoving all the crap in the closet). I even have family that I honestly enjoy, my favorite aunt was able to get here this year and I enjoy the idle bickering I have with my younger brother (it’s so fun to mess with him). It’s just I hate the feeling I get from the “Christmas season”, maybe it’s the fact that we’ve become a consumerist individualist culture but the older I get the more plastic Christmas feels. First of all the season seems to start before Halloween with the commercials and promotions, then you’re pressured to buy things for people and to be nice and charitable (which honestly if a holiday is the only reason you give a helping hand to your fellow human that’s great go ahead and give but just know that you’re still a terrible person, because I have a sneaking suspicion that after 12/25 you’ll completely ignore those orphans or whoever you gave guilt money to).

Wow that sounded a bit venomous, sorry I just had a ton of family over and I have three more days of family to go through. Luckily no more days of screaming children and bratty 10 year olds, that was just today. Lets try this again.

I’ve actually had a decent holiday so far, I was able to celebrate Yule since the world didn’t end (sadly I have to wait for zombies, but don’t worry it’s gonna happen). I think one of the reasons I dislike Christmas is that I’m the only Pagan in the family (the rest being of the good Christian persuasion) and the fact that I’m Pagan is one of those things conveniently pushed into the closet with all the other skeletons we’re not gonna talk about. Thankfully I have friends who genuinely care about me. I love when a holiday is genuine and not all fake smiles and pretending I’m a nice normal person instead of the nerdy freak I am because everyone already thinks I’m a heathen who’s going to hell so let’s not add fuel to the fire. I love my family (stop snickering, I do actually love them. If I didn’t I’d add a tank of gasoline to the fire laughing maniacally as the cops led me away) but I love them like I love Pointillism. From a distance. Like pointillism, family can only be appreciated as a whole and only when you’re standing way, way back. Once you get up close all you see are dots and you get a headache…and an urge to kill people.

But there are good aspects to the season as I said. I love when a holiday is simple and you can feel that the people you’re with enjoy you for who you are. I got some really nice gifts from friends this year and part what made them so great was not that they were expensive or flashy but that you could tell the person really took the time to think about you and what to get you. I received this year a Tardis cookie jar that lights up and makes the noise that the Tardis makes in the show, and a beautiful pair of Doctor Who/ Van Gogh earrings. Any of my readers would know that I was in nerdvana when getting those gifts. And honestly I didn’t even need the gifts (but if you try to take them away from me now you’re gonna die) it was just really nice to have a friend look at me and go “you know what I appreciate you and your friendship” that feeling is the warm fuzzies that holidays are supposed to instil. That and the look on their face when they opened their gifts, such a good feeling when someone opens a gift you gave them and the look on their face tells you ‘yes! I totally nailed it, they love it!’. Well I think I’m done venting at the internet for now. I’ll probably be too worn out after the next three days to complain so it’s good to get it all out now. 😉

In all honestly though I wish all my readers a wonderful holiday (whichever you celebrate) and that you can find that simple feeling of warmth and camaraderie that this holiday is supposed to give. I genuinely appreciate all of you 🙂

Look at them they're so cool!

Look at them they’re so cool!


Freak of Fashion

I’ve been trying to detox from Facebook recently. I’ve deleted most of my apps and games on their because it was slowly consuming not only my time but my soul. Since I’ve leached out some of the poison of the Facebooks I’ve been reading more, I found a really good book recently by an author local to my area. The book is called Embers by Laura Bickle and I fell in love with it after the first page. It’s a fantasy novel about a Detroit woman named Anya Kalinczyk (weird last name btw) who arson investigator by day and a medium by night. It’s a really great story, well written, smart (which is what I always look for), and the characters are believable and relatable (though there were times that I wanted to smack the main character). My favorite character by far was a salamander spirit called Sparky. It was just so lovable as a character and it kinda reminded me of a mix between the chameleon from Tangled and if anyone remembers the movie Rescuers Down Under that giant lizard Joanna (who I always thought was really cute). If you want a quick entertaining read then pick up Embers, I’m currently searching for its sequel Sparks.

Another thing I’ve been doing to keep myself creative (besides writing of course) is making outfits on a website called polyvore. When I was younger I really wanted to be a fashion designer (shocker for a nerd right?) I love how just certain items of clothing or just the right accessory can change the whole look of a person. Polyvore gives me the freedom not to be a designer but to be a stylist and put together collages of outfits. I wouldn’t wear what I put together (I’m very low-key when it comes to my own clothes, kind of a ‘pull something on as I run out the door’ look) but my friends love it, I’ve been told I could be a professional stylist but I’m pretty sure my friends are biased. The bonus of it is I can express myself visually. I have a collection called Wearable Fiction where I make outfits inspired by stories and fictional characters. So far I have the Little Mermaid, Little Red Riding Hood, and Alice in Wonderland inspired outfits. I say inspired because it’s not dressing up exactly like the character (that would be a costume). Behold by awesome styling powers!

Let me know what you guys think


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