Lost but Alive…

Hello Internet,

So I’ve noticed that a fellow blogger whom I follow has resurrected himself from the dregs of the forgotten blog underworld and I’ve decided it’s about time for me to do the same. I’m not sure what direction yet I’m going to be heading with this blog. Probably random musings about myself and my life. I feel a need to write again. When I read back what I’ve written over the years, as cringe-worthy as that is, it gives me a sense of who I was at the time. People are such fluid creatures. We are constantly changing and growing yet we’ve deluded ourselves into thinking we’re just one thing. That we’re just this one person and always have been.

I am not the person who started this blog however long ago that was. I’ve changed thrice over to the point that I don’t even recognize that girl anymore. I’ve read some of my past posts and I have to stop myself from deleting them. I’m surprised I thought that anyone on the internet would care about my opinion or about my life. I was so desperate so sound important back then. But those posts will not be deleted. They will stay as monument to the person I was. A sad little fangirl, yes, but also a person of passion who had dreams and hope. Some days I still have hope. Some days I have dreams. But not as brightly as back then. Real life kind of gets in the way. You get bogged down by the day to day grind. I never really understood what that phrase meant until I joined the working world.

“Real Life” is a grind. You wake up in the morning and work in a job that barely pays anything with people who hate their lives and take it out on those around them. It’s a grindstone that you willingly apply your soul to daily until all your left with is a nub. I know this post sounds overly negative but right now I’m feeling lost. Lost and tired. That deep soul tired that you can’t every really fix with sleep.

But, I’m still here right? I’m alive and breathing which for my track record is a phenomenal accomplishment. Maybe in my writing to the internet void I’ll figure out who I am again. Word by word, keystroke by keystroke, I once again put my mind to page. Guess we’ll see what happens.